anxious_songbird (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
anxious_songbird) wrote2024-05-12 03:10 pm
anxious_songbird) wrote2024-05-12 03:10 pm
Entry tags:
Sometimes, Hate Is Love Without A Place To Rest {fanfic}
Fandom: OMORI
Rating: Teen
Relationships: Aubrey ♦️ Basil, other(s).
Warnings/Notes: canon-OMORI content, post-good ending, angst, happy ending, Aubrey uses mirror pronouns.
Wordcount: 2702
Summery: Aubrey's feelings towards Basil, after the good ending.
Fill for my![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
allbingo card.
The truth was not an easy thing to swallow.
Aubrey’s not even sure if they processed it when Sunny told the group. Aubrey, Kel and Hero didn’t even have the time to process that Sunny was not in his hospital room when he started speaking. Sunny did not allow their reopened grief to stop him.
Aubrey didn’t hear the others when they left the hospital. They had to, to avoid doing something they’ll regret.
Going back to their house was the best thing they could’ve done, no one cared for the screams they filled their room with. No one cared for the bruises they’ve gained from punching the wall.
The fact that Mari hadn’t died by suicide, that Sunny pushed her to her death and Basil’s best idea was to hang her, to make them all think she couldn’t bear to live anymore. Aubrey wanted to believe that Sunny was lying, that for some sick reason Sunny wanted to tell a disgusting joke before he moved away.
But then Basil had to confirm it.
Yes, Sunny was speaking the simple honest truth; they had desecrated Mari’s body, lying about her final moments.
It was sickening; there were no other words to describe what the two did.
Aubrey felt like a volcano. their anger a hot burning want to destroy and kill, to rain justice like hellfire and make right the wrong they made. But it didn’t go far, the anger turned to searing tears, the wound simply scared over like a keloid.
Alone in their room, with only Bun-bun and a silent sick-ridden woman below for company. With old friends too wounded to help Aubrey of themselves, or new ones that won’t understand (no matter how much they tried, and by God they would try). Aubrey was alone once more. With a heart thorn from their chest and back with a stabbing wound.
Within Aubrey; love lies bleeding, it grew like a parasite, taking away all their want to exist in this world.
In their bed, with the only true comfort being the fact no one would see them fall in the comforting dark, Aubrey crying themselves to sleep (anger scratching at their throat and rot in their heart), couldn’t help but ask:
“Why us?”
~~~~~
“What?”
Aubrey stood in front of their friends, their hooligans. They were in the secret hideout, Aubrey felt sick at that fact, but this had to be private (they couldn’t afford making a scene).
They had come looking concerned when Aubrey called them, even now they looked like shit; Aubrey could feel the rot in their heart bloom outward, painting their body in stigmas. With Aubrey’s hair a nest for dying doves and clothing in conditions only a beggar would accept, Aubrey continued:
“We’re not bullying Basil anymore…” Aubrey repeated. They wanted this to be over already, to simply have them accept it and move on, to realize what had actually happened and be better.
Aubrey wondered if that’s how Sunny felt.
Kim, Aubrey’s first new friend, dutiful and loyal as Aubrey could ask for (what they didn’t deserve), looked at them funny “Why? What happened while you were hanging out with the others? What did he do?”
Aubrey had moments where Kim got on her nerves, when Aubrey wanted space and couldn’t deal with anything else, Aubrey tried not to think of her neck as her hands became fists.
“Nothing you need to know, it isn’t relevant to what we did, to what I convinced you to do” Aubrey replied. She saw that the others still looked confused, worry etched into their eyes, their words overlapping in a cacophony of questions.
“huh?” “what, why?” “what about what he did?” “about what he did to you?”
Aubrey prayed silently that God would grant her strength.
“What he did, what I exaggerated and misinterpreted” Aubrey spoke, her voice hoarse (she could feel the rot seeping out of it) “Doesn’t matter, it just doesn’t. It was not in my right to hurt him over the way he grieved, to make him grief longer is a wrong on my end.”
“What do you mean ‘exaggerated and misinterpreted’? He stole your photos and ruined them, he kept harassing you to talk-” Kim started, but Aubrey wouldn’t let her.
“It was HIS photobook, HIS photos and HIS property! I may have been in them, Mari might have been in them, but what he did to his own shit while grieving was none of my fucking business!” Aubrey half screamed, tears starting to make home on her face and she continued “He had every right to want to talk to me! I came to his house, I forced that book open, I didn’t care about the hurt in his face as I yelled at him nor did I care when his grandma kicked me out!”
Aubrey started hiccuping.
“No… she didn’t even kick me out… Laurel put me outside and told me to cool off. I was the one who walked away with his things…” Aubrey put her hands in her face, a pitiful attempt to hide herself from the others (from herself).
“I’m the bad guy here…”
Aubrey felt Kim put her arms around her, putting her head in Aubrey’s shoulder, Aubrey didn’t allow herself to cry harder, just placed her arms in the embrace. The others crowded around them, watching with discomforted faces and worried gazes.
Good… “We’re leaving Basil alone, that’s final…”
~~~~~
It’s been a month since the whole mess that was those 3 days; school had started again, they had more responsibilities and Basil was mostly avoided. But Aubrey would still see him, sometimes, in hallways and classrooms and outside from school grounds, seeking a space away from everyone else.
That fact made their skin crawl.
Aubrey had tried to reverse some of the damage they had done, by dispelling the rumors they had helpt spread (Jesus Christ had they become warped), but people still spoke and gossiped and spread slander. Aubrey had gotten into 3 fights already, who cares, their reputation wasn’t affected by another hit.
Nursing a bruised cheek with a juicebox, Aubrey was spending lunch again with Kim and Vance on the school bleachers. It was a cloudless day with little wind, on any other day Aubrey would’ve been adding their own rambling to Kim and Vance’s conversation.
The rot was stuck in their lungs and throat.
“Aubrey come on, you should at least eat your lunch” Vance chided Aubrey, having had to snap his fingers to get Aubrey’s attention away from Basil’s body leaving his sight. Aubrey shook himself awake, hand having crumpled the juicebox without making it explode somehow. Vance looked at her with a gaze Aubrey couldn’t decipher till Kim spoke up “Seriously, if you wanna talk to Basil just talk to him!”
Aubrey groaned “Why would he even wanna talk to me?” ‘Why would I? I would just hurt him because of Mari’ she thought what couldn’t be said aloud (not without the others knowing, not without Their consent). Then Vance said something Aubrey hadn’t considered:
“Then apologize to him”
Aubrey might as well have been dunked on with ice water “...What?”
“You feel guilty, you wanna make right and you miss him, why not apologize?” Vance stated, taking another bite from his sandwich. Aubrey looked at Kim for understanding, but she just pointed at Vance, giving Aubrey a ‘what he said’ look.
Aubrey looked at his own lunch in his lap (something Kim Vance and/or Maverick had to take care of. Today it was ‘old’ bread with salami and salad stuffing (why the Lestaris gave him fresh bread he didn’t know)). Hands curling up on his skirt, Aubrey thought about it. He couldn’t just come without anything, even if any apology gift he gave would be discarded, he had to TRY to be better than he was, than what his soul could give right now (maybe ever).
Despite not wanting to, despite being scared, despite knowing the truth; Aubrey knew what to bring.
~~~~~
The skies are streaked in gray when Basil’s door opens. Aubrey could feel the rain starting on their hair. Basil is the one who opens the door and Aubrey freezes.
Aubrey had hoped to see Poly first, to have an emotional buffer for one more moment before they had to admit to their sins to somebody who they wanted in their hands. But God had spoken; you intend to apologize? Then do it to his face.
The purple and blue hyacinths in Aubrey’s arms feel inadequate.
Basil looks a little better than you remember; his eyebags are lighter and his gaze is less deadened than Aubrey would always see. The scar on his cheeks looks like it was healing as well.
“Aubrey?” Basil’s voice wasn’t all that different, but the familiarity, the nostalgia and sincerity of his voice to Aubrey’s ears (Basil didn’t sound like it, he sounded confused) made him want to buckle from the weight of this broken thing they once called friendship.
It made Aubrey want to cry.
But he wasn’t allowed; this was about Basil, not him.
Aubrey handed over the bouquet to Basil, forcing his hands to be steady as Basil took the bouquet into his own arms (he always looked beautiful with flowers on him). Basil brushes some hairs from his face before he speaks “Not that I don’t appreciate this, but… what are you doing here?”
“I’m sorry…” Aubrey started, it hurt how spooked Basil seemed at the confession, but Aubrey continued “I’m, sorry for taking your photo-album, I’m sorry for calling you a creep among many things, I’m sorry for scaring you so often, I’m sorry for getting my friends in on it, I’m sorry that the school thinks you’re going to become a serial killer, I-”
Aubrey stopped speaking, he couldn’t afford to let the rot come out.
Basil was looking at Aubrey like he’d grown a second head. Why did that hurt so much?
Aubrey wasn’t sure what to say as the rain started pouring harder “I’m just sorry”
“Aubrey-” Basil begane, who then grabbed Aubrey’s hand “-come inside, you’ll catch a cold”
Too shocked to react to what Basil said; Aubrey came inside. The lighting made the whole house look warm, welcoming, the flowers were growing well and the room smelled of cinnamon (there was a cake on the table). Snapping out of his stupor, Aubrey removed his shoes and put them in the shoe-rack and placed his jacket on the coat hanger.
Basil grabbed a vase, going over to the sink he started filling it with water and placing the bouquet into it once the wrapping was removed. Basil then placed the vase on the table next to the cake, waving towards it he said “You want cake?”
Aubrey wasn’t sure why the next thing came out of his mouth “Since when do you bake?”
Basil started smiling “Since I got out of the hospital, Polly wanted to spend more time with me, so I helped her practice baking”. He took a knife and a small plate and sliced off a slice before handing it off to Aubrey “Please Aubrey, sit”. Taking the plate from Basil, Aubrey sat on the seat furthest away from Basil, by then Basil had gotten himself a slice and then sat across from Aubrey. He couldn’t help his nerves as he grabbed a nearby fork and started poking the cake.
“So… where’s Polly?” Aubrey begane, not sure what Basil wanted to talk about. Basil didn’t even look at his own slice “Got an emergency call from her mom, she should be back tomorrow” Basil smiled sheepishly “At least that’s what she said”. Basil then looked a bit more serious, hands toying with eachother, trying to look Aubrey in the eye.
“... what do you want from me?” God, could anyone sound anymore insecure while asking THAT? But Basil continued “Don’t get me wrong! I appreciate that you guys haven’t been bullying me anymore! But… You clearly don’t want anything to do with me, you clearly don’t like me and you clearly don’t want to be my friend… so why? Why bother with me? I don’t fault you for wanting nothing to do with me..”
He didn’t sound as sure as he clearly wanted to.
After a pregnant pause, Aubrey continued the conversation “Basil- I-... It doesn’t matter if I like you or if I wanna be your friend. I did wrong by you, I did shitty things to you that you didn’t deserve and, regardless of how I feel about you, you deserve an apology from me for that…”
For a moment, the only sounds that Aubrey could hear was their breathing, the humming of electricity and the pitter-patter of rain on the roof. Aubrey wasn’t sure what to do now, what could he even say that would even come close to the storm stuck in his head with Basil’s name on it? After a moment, Aubrey stood up from his seat “If you wanna say anything to me, you can now, I don’t wanna bother you further then I already have-”
“Wait, no!”
Aubrey jumped a little backwards as Basil jumped from his own seat. The silence was deafening now, a wound of its own on the threats of fate that intertwined them.
Basil started shaking.
“Look- I know you don’t want anything to do with me, I’m not sure I could ever forgive myself for what I did either. But, but… please don’t leave me, not alone, not again…” Basil cried, tears started marring his pretty face, a panic in his eyes as he looked like he was half-way ready to accept that he couldn’t win this. Aubrey (despite his own fear, his rot or himself), closed the gap between them and hugged Basil, holding tight as the rot started pricking his eyes.
For an eternity they stood there, Basil eventually started putting his arms around Aubrey as well, his face in his shoulder, Aubrey could feel clothing there getting wet. They stood there, simply holding eachother, rubbing circles into eachother’s backs. Till they both buckled under the weight of the years and fell to the floor, not once letting go of eachother.
Aubrey broke the silence “Basil- I- I-... I don’t know when I will truly forgive you, I don’t know when I’ll stop having this rot in my heart that tells me that you’re awful and a liar and a destroyer of memory. It is so much easier to hate than it is to love, and Basil-”
Aubrey squeezed Basil, hoping that what was seeping out of him wouldn’t destroy him.
“I am so, so tired of hating you…”
~~~~~
The morning after is a Saturday, though Aubrey doesn’t realize it at first.
Aubrey tries to wake up and get up, but then a hand that was on his waist goes to his head and places it again to Basil’s collar bone. “Aubrey… it’s the weekend…” Basil’s voice startles him for a moment, Aubrey looks around to what is happening:
They are in Basil’s living-room, they are laying on the couch with a blanket over them. Birds are chirping, sunlight is shining through and Aubrey feels
warm.
Warm and safe and loved.
Aubrey decides thinking too hard about how they got here or why isn’t worth it, and buries his face again in Basil’s soft shirt. They just lay there, soaking up eachother’s warmth and the other’s breath calming to the others. Aubrey could feel Basil playing with his hair as he started thinking.
Basil was his first friend, in another life they might’ve stayed friendly, maybe they’d be lovers or simply friends, Aubrey doesn’t know, and can’t find it in himself to care. He thinks of what will happen when they’re back in school, when the others look at them with judging eyes and loose lips, Aubrey knows he’ll keep fighting for Basil, even when he won’t fight for himself. Aubrey doesn’t know what’s going on in Basil’s head, not really, but he wants to understand, he wants to be the person Basil can go to when he feels like he has no one else.
Aubrey closes his eyes again; all of this feels like coming home.
Rating: Teen
Relationships: Aubrey ♦️ Basil, other(s).
Warnings/Notes: canon-OMORI content, post-good ending, angst, happy ending, Aubrey uses mirror pronouns.
Wordcount: 2702
Summery: Aubrey's feelings towards Basil, after the good ending.
Fill for my
allbingo card.The truth was not an easy thing to swallow.
Aubrey’s not even sure if they processed it when Sunny told the group. Aubrey, Kel and Hero didn’t even have the time to process that Sunny was not in his hospital room when he started speaking. Sunny did not allow their reopened grief to stop him.
Aubrey didn’t hear the others when they left the hospital. They had to, to avoid doing something they’ll regret.
Going back to their house was the best thing they could’ve done, no one cared for the screams they filled their room with. No one cared for the bruises they’ve gained from punching the wall.
The fact that Mari hadn’t died by suicide, that Sunny pushed her to her death and Basil’s best idea was to hang her, to make them all think she couldn’t bear to live anymore. Aubrey wanted to believe that Sunny was lying, that for some sick reason Sunny wanted to tell a disgusting joke before he moved away.
But then Basil had to confirm it.
Yes, Sunny was speaking the simple honest truth; they had desecrated Mari’s body, lying about her final moments.
It was sickening; there were no other words to describe what the two did.
Aubrey felt like a volcano. their anger a hot burning want to destroy and kill, to rain justice like hellfire and make right the wrong they made. But it didn’t go far, the anger turned to searing tears, the wound simply scared over like a keloid.
Alone in their room, with only Bun-bun and a silent sick-ridden woman below for company. With old friends too wounded to help Aubrey of themselves, or new ones that won’t understand (no matter how much they tried, and by God they would try). Aubrey was alone once more. With a heart thorn from their chest and back with a stabbing wound.
Within Aubrey; love lies bleeding, it grew like a parasite, taking away all their want to exist in this world.
In their bed, with the only true comfort being the fact no one would see them fall in the comforting dark, Aubrey crying themselves to sleep (anger scratching at their throat and rot in their heart), couldn’t help but ask:
“Why us?”
“What?”
Aubrey stood in front of their friends, their hooligans. They were in the secret hideout, Aubrey felt sick at that fact, but this had to be private (they couldn’t afford making a scene).
They had come looking concerned when Aubrey called them, even now they looked like shit; Aubrey could feel the rot in their heart bloom outward, painting their body in stigmas. With Aubrey’s hair a nest for dying doves and clothing in conditions only a beggar would accept, Aubrey continued:
“We’re not bullying Basil anymore…” Aubrey repeated. They wanted this to be over already, to simply have them accept it and move on, to realize what had actually happened and be better.
Aubrey wondered if that’s how Sunny felt.
Kim, Aubrey’s first new friend, dutiful and loyal as Aubrey could ask for (what they didn’t deserve), looked at them funny “Why? What happened while you were hanging out with the others? What did he do?”
Aubrey had moments where Kim got on her nerves, when Aubrey wanted space and couldn’t deal with anything else, Aubrey tried not to think of her neck as her hands became fists.
“Nothing you need to know, it isn’t relevant to what we did, to what I convinced you to do” Aubrey replied. She saw that the others still looked confused, worry etched into their eyes, their words overlapping in a cacophony of questions.
“huh?” “what, why?” “what about what he did?” “about what he did to you?”
Aubrey prayed silently that God would grant her strength.
“What he did, what I exaggerated and misinterpreted” Aubrey spoke, her voice hoarse (she could feel the rot seeping out of it) “Doesn’t matter, it just doesn’t. It was not in my right to hurt him over the way he grieved, to make him grief longer is a wrong on my end.”
“What do you mean ‘exaggerated and misinterpreted’? He stole your photos and ruined them, he kept harassing you to talk-” Kim started, but Aubrey wouldn’t let her.
“It was HIS photobook, HIS photos and HIS property! I may have been in them, Mari might have been in them, but what he did to his own shit while grieving was none of my fucking business!” Aubrey half screamed, tears starting to make home on her face and she continued “He had every right to want to talk to me! I came to his house, I forced that book open, I didn’t care about the hurt in his face as I yelled at him nor did I care when his grandma kicked me out!”
Aubrey started hiccuping.
“No… she didn’t even kick me out… Laurel put me outside and told me to cool off. I was the one who walked away with his things…” Aubrey put her hands in her face, a pitiful attempt to hide herself from the others (from herself).
“I’m the bad guy here…”
Aubrey felt Kim put her arms around her, putting her head in Aubrey’s shoulder, Aubrey didn’t allow herself to cry harder, just placed her arms in the embrace. The others crowded around them, watching with discomforted faces and worried gazes.
Good… “We’re leaving Basil alone, that’s final…”
It’s been a month since the whole mess that was those 3 days; school had started again, they had more responsibilities and Basil was mostly avoided. But Aubrey would still see him, sometimes, in hallways and classrooms and outside from school grounds, seeking a space away from everyone else.
That fact made their skin crawl.
Aubrey had tried to reverse some of the damage they had done, by dispelling the rumors they had helpt spread (Jesus Christ had they become warped), but people still spoke and gossiped and spread slander. Aubrey had gotten into 3 fights already, who cares, their reputation wasn’t affected by another hit.
Nursing a bruised cheek with a juicebox, Aubrey was spending lunch again with Kim and Vance on the school bleachers. It was a cloudless day with little wind, on any other day Aubrey would’ve been adding their own rambling to Kim and Vance’s conversation.
The rot was stuck in their lungs and throat.
“Aubrey come on, you should at least eat your lunch” Vance chided Aubrey, having had to snap his fingers to get Aubrey’s attention away from Basil’s body leaving his sight. Aubrey shook himself awake, hand having crumpled the juicebox without making it explode somehow. Vance looked at her with a gaze Aubrey couldn’t decipher till Kim spoke up “Seriously, if you wanna talk to Basil just talk to him!”
Aubrey groaned “Why would he even wanna talk to me?” ‘Why would I? I would just hurt him because of Mari’ she thought what couldn’t be said aloud (not without the others knowing, not without Their consent). Then Vance said something Aubrey hadn’t considered:
“Then apologize to him”
Aubrey might as well have been dunked on with ice water “...What?”
“You feel guilty, you wanna make right and you miss him, why not apologize?” Vance stated, taking another bite from his sandwich. Aubrey looked at Kim for understanding, but she just pointed at Vance, giving Aubrey a ‘what he said’ look.
Aubrey looked at his own lunch in his lap (something Kim Vance and/or Maverick had to take care of. Today it was ‘old’ bread with salami and salad stuffing (why the Lestaris gave him fresh bread he didn’t know)). Hands curling up on his skirt, Aubrey thought about it. He couldn’t just come without anything, even if any apology gift he gave would be discarded, he had to TRY to be better than he was, than what his soul could give right now (maybe ever).
Despite not wanting to, despite being scared, despite knowing the truth; Aubrey knew what to bring.
The skies are streaked in gray when Basil’s door opens. Aubrey could feel the rain starting on their hair. Basil is the one who opens the door and Aubrey freezes.
Aubrey had hoped to see Poly first, to have an emotional buffer for one more moment before they had to admit to their sins to somebody who they wanted in their hands. But God had spoken; you intend to apologize? Then do it to his face.
The purple and blue hyacinths in Aubrey’s arms feel inadequate.
Basil looks a little better than you remember; his eyebags are lighter and his gaze is less deadened than Aubrey would always see. The scar on his cheeks looks like it was healing as well.
“Aubrey?” Basil’s voice wasn’t all that different, but the familiarity, the nostalgia and sincerity of his voice to Aubrey’s ears (Basil didn’t sound like it, he sounded confused) made him want to buckle from the weight of this broken thing they once called friendship.
It made Aubrey want to cry.
But he wasn’t allowed; this was about Basil, not him.
Aubrey handed over the bouquet to Basil, forcing his hands to be steady as Basil took the bouquet into his own arms (he always looked beautiful with flowers on him). Basil brushes some hairs from his face before he speaks “Not that I don’t appreciate this, but… what are you doing here?”
“I’m sorry…” Aubrey started, it hurt how spooked Basil seemed at the confession, but Aubrey continued “I’m, sorry for taking your photo-album, I’m sorry for calling you a creep among many things, I’m sorry for scaring you so often, I’m sorry for getting my friends in on it, I’m sorry that the school thinks you’re going to become a serial killer, I-”
Aubrey stopped speaking, he couldn’t afford to let the rot come out.
Basil was looking at Aubrey like he’d grown a second head. Why did that hurt so much?
Aubrey wasn’t sure what to say as the rain started pouring harder “I’m just sorry”
“Aubrey-” Basil begane, who then grabbed Aubrey’s hand “-come inside, you’ll catch a cold”
Too shocked to react to what Basil said; Aubrey came inside. The lighting made the whole house look warm, welcoming, the flowers were growing well and the room smelled of cinnamon (there was a cake on the table). Snapping out of his stupor, Aubrey removed his shoes and put them in the shoe-rack and placed his jacket on the coat hanger.
Basil grabbed a vase, going over to the sink he started filling it with water and placing the bouquet into it once the wrapping was removed. Basil then placed the vase on the table next to the cake, waving towards it he said “You want cake?”
Aubrey wasn’t sure why the next thing came out of his mouth “Since when do you bake?”
Basil started smiling “Since I got out of the hospital, Polly wanted to spend more time with me, so I helped her practice baking”. He took a knife and a small plate and sliced off a slice before handing it off to Aubrey “Please Aubrey, sit”. Taking the plate from Basil, Aubrey sat on the seat furthest away from Basil, by then Basil had gotten himself a slice and then sat across from Aubrey. He couldn’t help his nerves as he grabbed a nearby fork and started poking the cake.
“So… where’s Polly?” Aubrey begane, not sure what Basil wanted to talk about. Basil didn’t even look at his own slice “Got an emergency call from her mom, she should be back tomorrow” Basil smiled sheepishly “At least that’s what she said”. Basil then looked a bit more serious, hands toying with eachother, trying to look Aubrey in the eye.
“... what do you want from me?” God, could anyone sound anymore insecure while asking THAT? But Basil continued “Don’t get me wrong! I appreciate that you guys haven’t been bullying me anymore! But… You clearly don’t want anything to do with me, you clearly don’t like me and you clearly don’t want to be my friend… so why? Why bother with me? I don’t fault you for wanting nothing to do with me..”
He didn’t sound as sure as he clearly wanted to.
After a pregnant pause, Aubrey continued the conversation “Basil- I-... It doesn’t matter if I like you or if I wanna be your friend. I did wrong by you, I did shitty things to you that you didn’t deserve and, regardless of how I feel about you, you deserve an apology from me for that…”
For a moment, the only sounds that Aubrey could hear was their breathing, the humming of electricity and the pitter-patter of rain on the roof. Aubrey wasn’t sure what to do now, what could he even say that would even come close to the storm stuck in his head with Basil’s name on it? After a moment, Aubrey stood up from his seat “If you wanna say anything to me, you can now, I don’t wanna bother you further then I already have-”
“Wait, no!”
Aubrey jumped a little backwards as Basil jumped from his own seat. The silence was deafening now, a wound of its own on the threats of fate that intertwined them.
Basil started shaking.
“Look- I know you don’t want anything to do with me, I’m not sure I could ever forgive myself for what I did either. But, but… please don’t leave me, not alone, not again…” Basil cried, tears started marring his pretty face, a panic in his eyes as he looked like he was half-way ready to accept that he couldn’t win this. Aubrey (despite his own fear, his rot or himself), closed the gap between them and hugged Basil, holding tight as the rot started pricking his eyes.
For an eternity they stood there, Basil eventually started putting his arms around Aubrey as well, his face in his shoulder, Aubrey could feel clothing there getting wet. They stood there, simply holding eachother, rubbing circles into eachother’s backs. Till they both buckled under the weight of the years and fell to the floor, not once letting go of eachother.
Aubrey broke the silence “Basil- I- I-... I don’t know when I will truly forgive you, I don’t know when I’ll stop having this rot in my heart that tells me that you’re awful and a liar and a destroyer of memory. It is so much easier to hate than it is to love, and Basil-”
Aubrey squeezed Basil, hoping that what was seeping out of him wouldn’t destroy him.
“I am so, so tired of hating you…”
The morning after is a Saturday, though Aubrey doesn’t realize it at first.
Aubrey tries to wake up and get up, but then a hand that was on his waist goes to his head and places it again to Basil’s collar bone. “Aubrey… it’s the weekend…” Basil’s voice startles him for a moment, Aubrey looks around to what is happening:
They are in Basil’s living-room, they are laying on the couch with a blanket over them. Birds are chirping, sunlight is shining through and Aubrey feels
warm.
Warm and safe and loved.
Aubrey decides thinking too hard about how they got here or why isn’t worth it, and buries his face again in Basil’s soft shirt. They just lay there, soaking up eachother’s warmth and the other’s breath calming to the others. Aubrey could feel Basil playing with his hair as he started thinking.
Basil was his first friend, in another life they might’ve stayed friendly, maybe they’d be lovers or simply friends, Aubrey doesn’t know, and can’t find it in himself to care. He thinks of what will happen when they’re back in school, when the others look at them with judging eyes and loose lips, Aubrey knows he’ll keep fighting for Basil, even when he won’t fight for himself. Aubrey doesn’t know what’s going on in Basil’s head, not really, but he wants to understand, he wants to be the person Basil can go to when he feels like he has no one else.
Aubrey closes his eyes again; all of this feels like coming home.